"I hate flowers. I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move." - Georgia O'Keeffe

Immobilized by lack of immobilizer

I went to my orthopedic doctor yesterday for a follow-up, and the X-rays looked good, apparently. The major patella fracture is now healed to the point where he thinks I should start working on my "atrophy"--which is a fancy term for fat ass--so, he said I can ditch the immobilizer.

This would be great news...except it's now my friend...Moby. Moby tells people I have an injury and please don't tackle me. He says, open that door for me, carry my bag for me, walk the dogs for me...bring me breakfast in bed.

And, I planned on taking him home with me (you know...just to have him...just in case I need him at some point) but I forgot him when I walked out, and after I remembered and went back to get him (at my now lightning-fast pace of ten yards/hour) someone had taken him away.

It's like I can't function. I feel so naked without him. I'm now exposed to all the rude people on the sidewalk or in train stations who automatically assume you're limping from that drive-by shooting ten years ago, and just knock you right over.

Oh, Moby...what have they done with you?

Creepy conductor

I was on the Metra the other day, and the conductor was walking by and saw my knee brace, so he stopped and asked what happened...so I explained about how I fell, broke kneecap, etc.

And he said, "You know it amazes me how easy it is to break a kneecap. All you need to do is hit it just so, you know--right along here (showing me the side of his leg)--and pop...the person can't walk."

Then he smiled and took my ticket.

Gold medal favorite.

I had a dream the other night that I was in Torino and Emily Hughes (the backup to Michelle Kwan) dropped out of the skating competition because she had the flu. So, because clearly there are only three ice skaters in the United States plus one alternate, they asked me if I could step in.

You might ask, did I have a broken leg in my dream? Yes.

Do I have skills? I'm not sure. I haven't been on ice skates since Patrick Dempsey tackled me playing statuemaker in my college ice skating class, breaking his chin open and giving me a concussion. My guess would be no.

But, despite these facts, I am a patriot, so I decided I was going to do it for the country. Thankfully I woke up before I humiliated myself on national television--oh, and dream or no dream, it would have been humiliating. Trust me.

I don't know what the dream means, exactly, but here's what I take from it:
1) I clearly have some ego on me if I think someone is going to turn to me, flabby, pale, clutzy, and with a big leg brace, and ask me to skate for the US out of everyone else standing around me.
2) My leg must be feeling better to even kind of contemplate doing a triple toe loop.
3) I'm watching way way too much Olympic coverage.

Interesting fact

Did you know mosquitos are attracted to people who have recently eaten a banana?

I read that on a Snapple lid, so I'm pretty sure it's true.