Stop cheating, dammit!

Floyd Landis, I so want to believe you didn't do it. But, what are the chances?

I just spent the last three weeks of my life watching the Tour de France. Something I never would have done a few years ago. But, for anyone who has actually watched the tour in its entirety, and started to understand just how gnarly a sport it is, there is just nothing else like it.

And for those of you who didn't watch, and haven't turned on a TV or read a newspaper today, the winner, American Floyd Landis, tested positive for doping. Another doping scandal for cycling. Just what it needed.

I think my favorite method of cheating is the blood doping. Apparently, you take your blood out, harvest it for basically, red blood cells--then put it (or someone else's blood) back into yourself so you have more blood to carry oxygen, or some such weirdness?

Here's my question...At what point when you are in your hotel room putting bags of weird blood into your body...does your brain not go--um, wow...this is really f-ed up?

Barry Bonds, Ben Johnson, Mark McGwire, and now, apparently, Floyd Landis, don't you get that sick empty feeling in your stomach? The hollow victory of a win without merit? Don't you at least feel bad for the guy whose record you broke, or the person who came in second (when they should have been first) and were robbed of their moment because of you? You not only cheat, but you steal.

Watching Floyd Landis come back from this huge deficit to out-ride everyone else in the race was SO exciting.

I was thrilled he was an American. Proud. And, felt a protective ire when the sporting world was more focused on talking about Tiger crying after the British Open rather than headlining Floyd's unbelievable comeback and win. Truly unbelievable, it turns out.

There is no other word to describe how I feel but betrayed.

I am so disappointed, it actually aches in the chest...and I feel so naive. Yes it seemed superhuman--but, God, isn't that why we watch? The amazing things people are capable of when their backs are against the ropes? Triumph over adversity. Hope.

When I am racing, and I am in pain and my blood pressure spikes and my muscles are screaming, and I feel like I'm hitting the wall, I always think of people like Lance, and Floyd, and endurance guys who not only get through the pain, but excel...and then win...and that makes me dig a little deeper and get past it.

And it's not like they don't work, and train, and feel that pain. But, they also cheat in order, I guess, to make it pay off in the end.

I think I'm going to blood dope before my marathon. I'm having Brendan harvest his red blood cells right now. I mean, sure, I might grow a little chest hair, but, I may be able to shave a minute off my 11 minute mile. And wouldn't that be worth it?

Brendan's hours and hours of cycling finally pays off--for me.

Brendan called me a few days ago, and asked me if I wanted to meet Floyd Landis in a couple of weeks because Floyd's coach, Robbie Ventura (okay, why do I know these things?) started Vision Quest which is this training program Brendan's been doing for the Ironman.

So, apparently before Floyd blew up in Stage 16, and had a massive unprecedented comeback in Stage 17--broken hip and all--Brendan got the opportunity to sign up and go meet him.

(I'm waiting for the fact that when you win things like the Tour de France, you have better things to do than go hock some buddies' training thing--like pose for the cover of Sports Illustrated, Wheaties boxes, hip surgery, and and make a lot of money with endorsements...so my guess is he'll divorce his wife, start dating Sheryl Crow, and cancel this appearance...but until then...)

Anyway, probably none of you thinks that this is cool...because he's not Lance Armstrong. But, I'm a little sick of Lance Armstrong b/c I sometimes think he's a little too close to talking about himself in the third person. I know he tries to be humble, but you can almost see his lips saying Lance, before he starts a sentence. And then the whole thing with hanging out with new BFFs Matthew McConaughey and Jake Gyllenhal--(THOSE names shockingly hard to spell). I'm just waiting for the wedding to Lindsey Lohan.

But he IS running the NYC marathon. So, I guess he's still my peeps.

But, anyway...I'm psyched to meet Floyd Landis and his new girlfriend, Sheryl...and that could maybe go a little ways to making up for the fact that HGTV has STILL not responded to tell me if we've been cancelled. Maybe the original tape just got lost when they sent our episode in for an Emmy.