Brown paper packages tied up with string

Okay, so today is my birthday.

I am 34.

I find that it's one of those birthdays that involves a whole lot of "whoop-de-do." I guess you could say that it's my final year to be in the 29-34 age group. Or the last year of my "early 30s" if you are really stretching it.

The last few years I find that right around my birthday, I reflect on where my life is...and how far away it is from where I thought it would be when I was younger (married to Joey McIntyre and on our karaoke tour of the Western United States)...and then I measure how far away it is from where I actually want it to be (married to Brendan and on our karaoke tour of the Western United States.) What? Is that weird?

But, I'm not in the mood for algorithms, maps, and piecharts this year. So...instead, I've decided to give back...and impart some of my elderyear consumer wisdom a la the great Oprah.

Since my birthday generally finds itself blended with the holiday season anyway, I figure it's about time I embraced it. So, here are some of the products that I have discovered that I simply cannot do without, some of which may make terrific stocking stuffers to behoove your own holiday efforts. And some of which might earn you some blank stares.

Without further ado...here are my favorite things for 2007...and the good news is, you can probably afford these:

Biore daily cleansing cloths: Okay, so to be completely honest...I gave these to one of my sisters last year with a whole lot of fanfare, and I think they were a huge bust. She said she felt like it left a residue on her face. I contend that's the "moisturizing." Actually, I have no idea what she's talking about with the residue. You say residue, I say tomahto. To each his own. But, I personally love them. They exfoliate. They smooth out my skin. And in the last year the wrinkles I was developing around my mouth, forehead and eyes...have actually gotten better. I'm not kidding. I love them...and will use them until I'm a wrinkly old lady--or until next year, whichever comes first.

Hanky Panky Underwear: This is too much information. I know it. But, I'm sorry--this underwear rocks. A couple of years ago, I had a couple relatives give these to me at Christmas, in front of the family, and I was...horrified. I figured it was a not-so-subtle 'get on with the baby-making' hint that had gone too far. In fact, I was all about to get them in a knot about the whole thing when I discovered they are soooooo comfortable. This underwear--although pricey for everyday underthings--is totally worth every penny. LOVE it. Forgiving, sexy, awesome. And hey, even the Wall Street Journal (PDF) endorses it. What, you don't research your panties?

Aquafresh Extreme Clean Whitening toothpaste: My friend Allyson turned me onto this, and it is seriously the most effective toothpaste I've used. And, it's ruined me for other toothpastes. Now, when I use another brand, or even another kind within the brand, I am so disappointed. I feel like my mouth is dirty. I don't know what that says about me...or my dragon breath, in general...but let's not think on it too long.

MOP leave-in conditioner: My hair has never been so shiny or healthy. And, this lasts forever. I think I've had the same bottle for over a year now. AND, no animal testing, all natural, all organic.

Hand-knit natural wool stole: This artisan is a friend of my sister, Meghan. Megs gave this to me last year for my birthday...and it is my all-time favorite thing. I love love love it. I wear it as a scarf, sometimes as a hoodie if my ears are cold, often on my shoulders, if I'm just a little chilled in the office...you'd be shocked at how warm it keeps you. AND...I throw it over my lap and tuck my hands in when I'm in the car, or at my desk and feeling a chill. It is so versatile. So cute. So loved. I thought I lost it last week, and I was really upset...I was about to start crying when I found it. Miracles! I also get fashion props on it every time I wear it. I'm not kidding. Order one today!

This American Life: This isn't so much a single thing, although you can download individual podcasts on iTunes, and CDs. Check out the site! This radio program on NPR...if you've not heard it (and I know most of you probably have) but...it's addictive. It'll make you cry. And it'll make you laugh. Usually in the same hour. It's audio documentary, and it's on every Saturday at noon in Chicago. But, check your local listings. Personally, I just download everything to iTunes. Great for the long roadtrip.

Glimmer Train: I don't normally like literary mags, and quite often short stories leave me cold. A good short story can skew your view of the world and haunt you forever. But, most often they seem to be a bit heavy-handed...cloying academic strokes that are at once bleak and unsatisfying. There's always some overly symbolic broken piece of furniture, peeling wallpaper, a Steinbeck-inspired jalopy or a Harper Lee rope swing, and the smell of mothballs or urine, often both, from a cat or the aged relative. And sometimes it just gets boring. BUT. This lit mag, Glimmer Train, seems a lovely departure, I think. Yes, it still fits literature, good literature in fact...but the stories are woven beautifully, and I didn't fall off the toilet in a sleep-coma. Because that's the only place I read. The toilet.

Revlon Lipgloss: My friend Amy introduced this to me a couple of years ago, and I love her for it. I think of her every time I go to buy it. I love this stuff. It doesn't taste gross. It isn't super thick and heavy. I'm addicted. I always have 2 or 3 in my purse at all times. You can do a spot check. I won't let you down.

WXRT Live from the Archives compilation: This is pretty cool. Yes, you buy it through Starbucks, but it's got a charity benefit...and if you just buy this for Lily Allen's Smile, I think you'll be happy. You can hear a sample of it on the site.

Dead Sea Spa Patented, Professional Nail Buffer: Anyone who knows me knows how nuts I am about my manicures.

Right.

But, last Christmas, when Brendan and I were wandering Michigan Avenue, I got accosted by one of those pushcart guys that sells random items at the mall. He asked if I was wearing nail polish, and I said "No." And he quickly grabbed my hand and began rubbing this weird thing on one of my fingers. Okay, that sounds bad. It was a nail implement of some kind, but in seconds, my nail looked like it was totally polished. It had the sheen of clear nailpolish, and it was smooth, so smooth I couldn't stop running my fingers over it. But, I stayed strong, and walked away.

The problem, I soon discovered was...there was only one done. I was transfixed while typing at work, dialing the phone, driving. This beautiful nail, reflective as glass, made the rest look sad, ridged, dull...hideous. So, I began a mission to try to find this magical buffer thing--that the guy wouldn't sell me unless it was packaged with $40 worth of lotions I would never use.

And...I found it. I found that Patented, Professional Nail Buffer on the Internets and someone who would sell it to me without needless trappings. And I have to say...I've shamelessly mugged many of my friends and relatives with this implement, much the same way the mysterious pushcart salesman accosted me. It's addictive. You will too!

Honorable Mentions: I do have a few more...My sister Meghan's paintings (she was supposed to send me her Web site--email me if you want to see her work.) Kiehl's 15spf facial moisturizer, Dove's Pro-Age soap, Madison, WI (although that's hard to fit in a stocking), The Quiet Man dvd, Gap long sleeve stretch shirts (the stretchy ones-great for layering). David Sedaris, Melissa Marr, Jennifer Weiner, Ryan Adams, Colin Hay...etcetera.

I could go on all day long, but I have a birthday to rock.