Things that should be outlawed/enforced.

1) People who ride their bikes AGAINST traffic. I am going to add here, people who ride their bikes without a helmet, don't know that they are not a car, have their iPods blaring so they can't hear you, and then blow through red lights when you have a green causing you to almost make them into a pancake. (And not the good blueberry kind.) Oh, and, hey tattooed bike messenger...you're basically invisible due to the fact that you carry 42 lbs on a six foot frame. Since your bike is fatter than you, and B.O. doesn't actually emit a cloud of color, it makes it semi-difficult to view you weaving in and out of traffic at 900 miles an hour in a side mirror that is not the size of the one on the Hubble Telescope.

2) Pit bulls. Look, I know everyone wants to save them. I get that. But you know that whole theory about there are no bad dogs, just bad dog owners? I don't buy it. No one ever got killed by a Pomeranian, unless they were maybe licked to death. And even if that were true, guess where the majority of dog owners lie? Think of it this way. Imagine I was walking my pet crocodile down the street...people might not be all that thrilled to see its enormous people-eating, child-mauling head coming their way. "But, he's such a sweetheart! Here's a live goat, Chompy. Aren't you so cute?" I'm just saying, if you own one...be aware that I don't like jogging by it, and I don't think it's cute when you let it walk ten feet in front of you.

3) Dog owners who use extend-a-leashes. This is the all time worst invention ever. First of all, if you own one, sorry, but you're probably a moron. It's almost without fail, that the people who use these leashes are exactly the people who shouldn't use these leashes. The entire purpose of a leash is to control your dog. We live in a city. A city with tight sidewalks. Letting Spot run twenty feet ahead of you on a thin invisible wire that has no end in sight is not only inconsiderate, but downright irresponsible...to the dog, to other dogs on real leashes who can't get away from your dog, and to every single person around you. If you have one, and you live in the city, please throw it out. You don't know how to use it. Trust me.

4) People who ride their bikes down the wrong side of the street being pulled by their pit bull on an extend-a-leash. You know who you are.

5) Construction workers who use pneumatic air guns to nail shit together at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday. I would like to pneumatically nail gun you.

6) People who think it's okay to pull up into the middle of an intersection even though they have a stale green light and all cars in front of them are at a stand still. If there is no room for your gigantor Hummer to comfortably rest on the other side of the light, don't go. If you go, and you sit there and block the intersection, you deserve to have something aimed at you. My choice would be the previously confiscated pneumatic nail gun.

7) People who drive Hummers and throw wrappers out of their car windows. I mean, REALLY? Is there a contest I don't know about?

8) Cab drivers who hold up their finger and shush you when you are trying to give them directions because they are so engrossed in their cell phone conversation...and then take a wrong turn and don't apologize or turn off the meter. These guys are ten times chattier than thirteen year old girls, twice as surly, and not nearly as good at driving. Perhaps I should start tipping in lipgloss and Hello Kitty pencil cases.

9) People who turn the bass up in their cars so loud that your car (four cars over from theirs) vibrates like a Shiatsu massage chair.

10) Abandoned houses (particularly when they are next to mine) boarded up for over half a decade, and no one doing a damn thing about it.